“I’m nervous…I don’t know how to talk to people about this”
Being young and pregnant brings with it a whole new set of concerns. You may be wondering how the people in your life will react to your pregnancy. From parents, to friends, to the baby’s father, there’s a lot to feel anxious about. You may have thought about becoming a mother, just not yet. Or you may be asking yourself how pregnancy will affect your schooling and relationships. We understand that finding out you’re pregnant at a young age can feel overwhelming. We want you to know that there are resources available for you, including Birthright.
Think of the best reaction you could receive from your loved ones. Acceptance. Loving support. Compassion. Practical help and advice. That’s what you’ll find at Birthright.
We’re here to provide the support and resources you need at this challenging time. Finding a safe place to take a deep breath and sort through everything will help to calm and centre you as you navigate this new chapter in your life. We invite you to explore this page’s wealth of information, assistance, and support. Whether you’re looking for guidance on talking about your pregnancy with the people in your life, information on relationships and education, prenatal care, resources, or emotional support, Birthright Victoria is here for you. You’re not alone on this journey. Together, we can navigate the challenges and celebrate the joys of young motherhood.
Talking to the People in Your Life About Your Pregnancy
If you haven’t yet told loved ones about your pregnancy, figuring out how and when to tell them can be stressful. Here are some ideas for breaking the news.
- Try breaking the task down by deciding who you’d like to tell first. Choose someone who always has your back, someone you can trust to handle your news with kindness and sensitivity.
- Decide ahead of time what you’d like to say. If you’re unsure how to share your news, our Birthright volunteers make great sounding boards! Consider practicing what you’ll say with us at Birthright.
- Choose a time and place which feels comfortable to you and where you won’t be interrupted.
- In an ideal world, have the talk in person. You’ll be able to read your loved ones’ expressions better that way, and hopefully receive a hug.
- Sometimes, the in-person talk isn’t feasible. If you need to share your news over the phone, give them a little notice that this is an important moment. Let them know you have important news to share. If it feels right, you can tell them you’re feeling nervous and could really use their support.
- Share your news. Hopefully, you’ll feel relieved and supported. Your loved one may want to know what you need or how they can help. With a supportive response, don’t be afraid to ask for help, and to share how you’re feeling.
- Ask your loved one to keep the news confidential until you have the opportunity to share it with the other important people in your life. Alternately, you could ask them to share the news for you. The problem with that is that you won’t have control over how you tell it or what is said, and you won’t know how they react. Remember that you’re in the driver’s seat. Ultimately, how you spread your news is up to you.
- Secrets have a way of coming out once you’ve spilled the beans to one person in your circle. Don’t wait too long to tell other important people if you’d like to make sure you’re the one sharing the news.
- Save the hard tells for last. That way, you’ll have had some practice breaking the news and will hopefully feel supported when you share your news with those with whom you have more complicated relationships.
When Breaking the News Goes Wrong
In an ideal world, the people who matter will be empathetic and supportive when you share your news. But what do you do if their response is less than supportive? Here are a few thoughts on handling a negative response.
- Sometimes, people don’t respond as we want them to. They may be shocked or upset. They may not know what to say, or they may say too much. Bear in mind that sometimes people need a chance to let off steam before they can show you their supportive side. That said, if you feel threatened, be prepared to leave and give them some time to cool off.
- Problem solve ahead of time how you will deal with negative responses. You can even practice how you will handle those hard-tells with us at Birthright.
- Consider bringing a supportive friend with you when you tell those with whom you share a more complicated relationship. Or ask your Birthright volunteer to come with you for emotional support. If you’re worried about your own safety, you may want to ask someone else to break the news for you, or use the phone or email.
- The decision on what you do about your pregnancy is yours. You may want advice from the baby’s father or your family or friends, but don’t let anyone pressure you into making a decision you don’t want. You are the person who will have to live with the consequences of whatever decision you make. Give yourself permission to say No and to walk away if you’re feeling pressured.
- Sometimes, people who respond poorly to your news need time to process the situation. We’ve heard stories of angry parents or family who try to pressure pregnant teens into abortion becoming doting grandparents. Just as unplanned pregnancy is shocking for you, your loved ones also may need more time. If you have a caring relationship, give them some time to come to terms with the situation. In the meantime, rely on those who’ve already shown caring support as you navigate this new path in your life.
Relationships and Unplanned Pregnancy
Big decisions around unplanned pregnancy tend to either strengthen or break a relationship. If you’re in a relationship, talk with your partner about your pregnancy, how you are feeling, and your pregnancy options. Try to hear him out even if his thoughts are different from yours. Sharing in the challenges of unexpected pregnancy can deepen your bond, as long as you each treat each other respectfully. If you decide to have your baby, your partner’s support may be an important part of your journey.
You may be in agreement on next steps, or you may not be. Keep talking, sharing your thoughts and feelings. If you remain in disagreement, realize that ultimately the decision rests in your hands. You will be the one most impacted by unexpected pregnancy. It would be a mistake to change your decision just to please your partner. For example, if he wants you to have an abortion while you want to have your baby or believe that abortion is wrong, going against your own values or wishes may lead to resentment and perhaps guilt. If you agree to abortion to save your relationship, you may find that the relationship doesn’t hold up under such a heavy burden.
In the end, you’re going to have to make the decision that feels best for you and your baby. If you end up parenting, either with or without your partner, you’re going to want to build up your support network. One of the challenges to being young and pregnant is that your life path diverges from your peers. Some of them will accompany you on this new journey, but you’ll probably lose touch with others. Making new friends through alternate school programs for young moms or New Mom and Baby groups will expand your support network. Surrounding yourself with supportive family, friends, and community resources will also help you to find your place in this new life experience.
Life is a journey…embrace it!
Getting an Education when You’re Young and Pregnant
No doubt about it: juggling education with parenting can be challenging. Luckily, there are a few programs in BC which make that juggling act a little bit easier. It may take a little longer to meet your educational goals, but you’ll get there in time!
If you’re looking for an alternative program for pregnant teens in the Victoria area, check out Artemis Place. Artemis Place Secondary is an independent school providing support for pregnant teens and young mums. The program integrates education with counselling, parenting classes, and life skills in a nurturing alternative school environment. Best of all, Artemis Place includes an on-site Child Care Centre for your little one! Artemis Place Secondary is a tuition-free program. The Child Care Centre is a partner in BC’s Child Care Fee Reduction Initiative.
Find out more about BC’s Child Care Fee Reduction Initiative Find information about Artemis Place here
BC also offers a tuition waver program for BC youth who’ve been in foster care for at least 24 months. The program is open to former foster care youth between the ages of 19 and 26 and applies at all 25 of BC’s public post secondary institutions.
Find out more about BC’s Tuition Waiver program for youth who’ve been in foster care here.
Birthright Support
At Birthright, we believe in walking with you along your pregnancy journey. We offer emotional support and a listening ear, plus lots of knowledge regarding young pregnancy and area resources. Have a question we don’t know the answer to? We’ll get that information for you!
You’ll find our volunteers kind and knowledgable. When you come in for a visit, we’ll sit down with you and discuss your issues, any pregnancy concerns you’re having, and life in general. We’re also happy to check in with you via phone or email. At a time in your life when you may be feeling isolated or alone, it’s good to know you have a friend at Birthright.
Birthright also offers concrete assistance like free maternity clothes and a layette of new and gently used baby items to our ongoing clients. Not a client yet? Contact us and ask to become one!
Dealing with Stress
When you’re young and pregnant, stress can often be part of the equation. Finding healthy ways to handle stress and take care of yourself will give you skills for handling challenging times both now and in the future. Consider giving some of these suggestions a try.
- Prioritize personal time: Make time for activities you enjoy, whether reading, listening to music, taking baths, or practicing hobbies. Taking breaks from daily responsibilities can help reduce stress.
- Practice relaxation techniques: Engage in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or gentle stretching to promote calmness and reduce stress. If you feel yourself becoming anxious, focus on an image of yourself doing something that makes you happy. You might even want to imagine yourself holding your baby for the first time.
- Engage in gentle exercise: Did you know that light exercise improves your mood and energy level? Try participating in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction, such as prenatal yoga, swimming, or walking in nature.
- Seek emotional support: reach out to trusted individuals such as family, friends, or Birthright volunteers to discuss your feelings and concerns. Ask for a hug or a listening ear when you need it. You’ll find that you feel better and closer to these important people in your life.
Prenatal Health Care
Being young and pregnant comes with some health concerns for you and your baby. Young mothers may face a higher risk of complications during pregnancy, such as anemia and high blood pressure. Babies born to young mothers may also have a higher risk for pre-term birth and low birth weight. Good prenatal care can manage these risks and help you to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby.
- Prenatal care allows health care professionals to identify and address potential health risks or complications early on. This includes conditions like gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, or infections that can affect the well being of both you and your baby.
- Regular check-ups help health care providers track your baby’s growth and development, ensuring that your baby is meeting essential milestones.
- During prenatal visits, healthcare providers can offer guidance on proper nutrition, including essential vitamins and minerals. They can also recommend prenatal supplements to ensure both you and your baby receive adequate nourishment.
- Prenatal visits also provide an opportunity for you to discuss concerns, fears, and emotional well-being with health care professionals who can offer guidance, support, and resources.
Finding a Maternity Doctor or Midwife
We are presently experiencing a doctor shortage across BC and the South Island, which includes maternity care. Doctors and midwives are limited in how many patients they can take with due dates in the same period. As their practices fill up, it becomes increasingly harder to find a maternity doctor or midwife. Women looking for maternity care later in their pregnancies are experiencing the greatest difficulty in finding care. We recommend you start looking for a maternity doctor or midwife as early in your pregnancy as is feasible. Below are some useful links and tips.
https://www.growhealth.ca/
Grow Health utilizes a team approach, so patients may see different maternity care specialists – not all of them doctors – for different appointments. Grow Health was recommended to us by a local doctor for having more maternity doctors available and keeping their listings more up-to-date than some others.
https://www.coastalmaternitycare.com/
A comprehensive listing of maternity doctors practicing in the Victoria area, along with lots of helpful information.
Midwives provide comprehensive maternity care and take a holistic approach. They do both hospital and home births. Midwifery care is fully funded by BC Medical. Unfortunately, the South Island is also losing midwives. Best advice is to contact them early in your pregnancy.
- If you are young and pregnant and having trouble finding maternity care, we may be able to do some of the calling around for you. Call us and we'll see what we can do.
- Good to Know: walk-in clinics will schedule ultrasound appointments for you and provide care as needed for those without maternity care.
- If you have been unable to find maternity care in the Victoria area, you can contact the Urgent Antenatal Care Clinic (UACC) at Victoria General Hospital. Call 250-727-4187 and leave your contact information. UACC offers a rotation of maternity doctors and midwives for immediate care, with the long-term goal of getting patients into established maternity clinics, although turnaround times are slow.
Health Care Resources for Young Moms
Managing Pregnancy Symptoms:
If this is your first pregnancy, you may feel like you’re swimming in uncharted waters. Everything about being young and pregnant probably feels new and unfamiliar.
Find out more about what’s going on with your pregnancy here
Some of the changes that come with pregnancy are exciting, like feeling your baby kick, and others are less pleasing, like morning sickness. Being at ease in your pregnancy is really a matter of learning how to manage the less pleasant pregnancy symptoms so you can concentrate on the exciting bits. Here are a few early pregnancy symptoms and tips for managing them.
- Nausea, also known as morning sickness. Not all pregnant women experience nausea, but for those that do, “morning sickness” is somewhat misleading as it can hit throughout the day or even at night. Most women experience nausea from about week 5 through early in the second trimester. Nausea is believed to be caused by the same pregnancy hormones which trigger a positive pregnancy test. It is worse when your stomach is empty. Try keeping small snacks by your bedside for a first morning meal and grazing on smaller portions of healthy foods throughout the day, rather than 3 large meals. You’ll also want to pay attention to food triggers such as coffee, shellfish, and fried, fatty, or spicy foods. Many women are sensitive to strong smells during pregnancy, which can also trigger nausea. Some women gain relief from nausea with peppermint or ginger hard candies or tea, or by sipping cold, fizzy drinks. Making changes to your diet and lifestyle can help to manage nausea in early pregnancy.
- Fatigue during the first trimester is common while your body is building this new little life within you. Getting more sleep at night and napping during the day will help with fatigue.
- Managing frequent urination is more a matter of careful planning. Use the bathroom before you leave home and at each of your stops throughout the day. Pregnant women quickly learn which stores have available washrooms and make good use of them.
- Mood swings are also believed to be related to pregnancy hormones. Many women experience mood swings starting around week 6. Try making a conscious effort to nurture yourself. Take it easy and avoid pushing yourself too hard. Spend some time bonding with loved ones or seek out support groups. Do something that makes you feel good: take a nap, go to a movie with a friend, book a prenatal massage. Talk out anxieties rather than letting them fester. Get a handle on stress by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, having fun. Mood swings usually ease by the 2nd trimester.
Staying Healthy During Pregnancy
Your physical and mental health are important during this demanding time in your life. Here are some tips for a healthy pregnancy.
- Stay active: Engage in regular, moderate-intensity physical activity such as walking, swimming, or prenatal yoga (with your healthcare provider's approval). Physical activity can help boost mood, improve circulation, and manage weight gain.
- Get sufficient rest: Prioritize getting enough sleep and rest to support your energy levels and overall health. Listen to your body and take breaks when needed.
- Manage stress: Being young and pregnant often comes with stress, so finding healthy coping methods is essential. Consider techniques like breathing exercises, meditation, or engaging in enjoyable activities.
- Seek support: Connect with friends, family, and support groups for young mothers. Share your experiences, concerns, and joys with others who can provide understanding and encouragement.
Healthy Eating for You and Your Baby
Eating a well-balanced diet is vital for your health and that of your baby during pregnancy. Here are some nutritional guidelines for young mothers in Canada.
- Include a variety of foods: Aim for a balanced diet that includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins (such as poultry, fish, beans, and legumes), and dairy products or plant-based alternatives.
- Stay hydrated: Drink plenty of water throughout the day to maintain hydration, which is essential for overall health and supporting your baby's growth.
- Adequate intake of critical nutrients: Ensure sufficient intake of essential nutrients such as folic acid, iron, calcium, and omega-3 fatty acids. As your healthcare provider recommends, these can be obtained through dietary sources and prenatal supplements.
- Limit certain foods and substances: Avoid or limit the consumption of high-mercury fish, raw or undercooked seafood, deli meats, unpasteurized dairy products, and alcohol. These can pose risks to the baby's health.
Other Pregnancy links
Being young and pregnant is probably not what you planned, but it does not have to be the end of your world. It’s simply a new path which you’re travellng down. In case no one’s said it yet, Congratulations! Having a baby is a big milestone. Becoming a Mother will change you in ways you may not be able to imagine right now. You will likely discover your own resiliency, your strength, and a fierce mother-love.
Maybe even a sense of fun.
Many of the topics on this page are heavy, but pregnancy can also be a time of great joy and excitement. Here are a few links to put a smile on your face.
https://sprout-apps.com/sprout-pregnancy-iphone-app/
See what your baby looks like in interactive 3D images all the way through your pregnancy! The basic app is free, premium will cost you a bit.
https://www.babycenter.com/
Answers to every topic you can think of, and then some! Bingeworthy!
https://www.whattoexpect.com/
Another great site for everything pregnancy!
https://www.sivw.ca/anneys-closet
Are you setting up a new home? If so, this program is for you. It was originally intended for young women aging out of foster care, because they didn’t have families to help when they were ready for their own place. The program has since been expanded to include girls pregnant or parenting at a young age. Shop for household or baby items for free with a referral from a partner agency…like Birthright Victoria.
If you are an expectant or young mother in Victoria and need support, we encourage you to contact us at Birthright Victoria. We’re here to listen, guide, and assist you in any way we can. Whether you have questions about prenatal care, need help connecting with healthcare services, or simply want someone to talk to, our dedicated volunteers are here for you.
Reaching out for support isn’t a sign of weakness….It’s a sign of strength!
What you can expect from us
Free, confidential, and non-judgmental pregnancy support tailored to your needs. Reach out to Birthright Victoria for unconditional assistance.
Get a free pregnancy test at Birthright Victoria and receive compassionate care, support, and guidance throughout your journey.
Discover your pregnancy options with Birthright Victoria: accurate information, compassionate support, & a safe space to make informed decisions.
Find solace and guidance in our judgment-free space, where you can openly express conflicting emotions surrounding unplanned pregnancy.
Discover friendship & unwavering emotional support at Birthright Victoria – a safe place where you don’t have to feel alone in your unplanned pregnancy journey.
Get helpful advice and caring support for managing pregnancy symptoms and discomforts from Birthright Victoria’s compassionate volunteers.
Birthright Victoria connects you with trusted medical, doula, and midwife experts in Victoria for comprehensive pregnancy support.
Birthright Victoria provides free maternity and baby clothing to ongoing clients, offering concrete assistance to women facing unplanned pregnancy in Victoria.
Birthright Victoria connects women facing unplanned pregnancy with local community resources for comprehensive support and valuable referrals.
Continuing support and accompaniment, available through visits or phone calls, for as long as you want, at Birthright Victoria.
How to Get in Touch with Us
At Birthright, we want to help you explore those pregnancy options which speak to you. Our helpline is available 24/7. You can call us at:
Our trained and experienced volunteers are here to provide confidential assistance with any issue or concern you may have. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us.
